Confusion

written January 19, 2000

Confusion
My greatest enemy
I fight it off for as long as I can
yet somehow it always gets to me
It has gotten to me now
All of it swirls around in my head
in a tangled blackened mass
The two of you together
a worst nightmare come true
and succeeding only in confusing me more
You, my greatest love,
whom I will cherish for all my days,
yet we fight
Pain is what I never want for you
and you used to say the same for me
Has that changed?
I don't want it to
but I believe it already has
For now we lash out at each other
saying things for no other reason
but to hurt
Confusing
And you, my hated enemy,
whom I swore to hate for all my years
yet we love
What has changed for us?
What has made it so that I long to hear
your voice?
To hold you in my arms,
to feel your gentle touch
What has changed?
What altered it all?
The repetitive question stays in my mind
And I sit her
thinking wondering hoping dreaming
and confused.